Have you heard of people being labelled as emotionally unavailable? Maybe you’re wondering if someone close to you is emotionally unavailable. But what does emotionally unavailable mean really?
Have you noticed that your spouse, family member or friend has seemed distant for a while or maybe a long time. Maybe they cancel plans and don’t seem reliable. Or they don’t open up about how they feel.
Maybe act like everything is about them and they don’t care how you feel. Do they tend to act passive aggressive when upset?
If this sounds like what you have been dealing with, that person may in fact be emotionally unavailable.
I am currently writing a series on the emotionally unavailable husband. So that if you are a wife in this situation, you can have some more awareness and guidance.
As a wife married to a husband that has been emotionally unavailable, I have to say it can be extremely lonely and dissatisfying. Which you probably can relate to.
However if you do think you may also be in a marriage with an emotionally unavailable husband don’t lose hope.
Through the grace of God and his direction, my marriage has been healing and improving. And I know that yours can too.
Now just a quick note, a woman can be just as much emotionally unavailable as a man. I am just writing in the context of the husband being emotionally unavailable because that is my own experience.
In This Post I Am Going To Talk About:
What it actually means to be emotionally unavailable.
If you have a good idea of what it means to be emotionally unavailable your next step would be to learn the behaviors and signs to look out for. Check out my post 15 Heartbreaking Signs Your Husband Is Emotionally Unavailable.
What Does Emotionally Unavailable Mean?
There are many names people use when they are talking about someone being emotionally unavailable.
You may have heard the terms distant, withdrawn, disconnected, detached, emotionally dead, avoidant attachment style.
These are all terms describing a person that has a wall up to protect themselves from having emotional intimacy with others.
If your husband is emotionally unavailable it doesn’t mean he doesn’t have emotions or feelings.
He does have feelings and emotions, but he is not being open and honest with you.
Someone who is emotionally unavailable has certain habitual behaviors they use, to try to avoid situations where they would be pressured to express their feelings or have others communicate their feelings toward them. These situations often cause their fight or flight response to go off and makes them very uncomfortable.
It’s possible your husband may have a habit of ignoring his feelings and blocking out his emotions, so much so, that he is not in touch enough to really know how he feels.
He may see emotions as irrational and irrelevant and always try to go the logical route. But really he just doesn’t like to feel his emotions and attempts to keep them stuffed down.
Being Emotionally Unavailable is a coping mechanism, of pushing people away and keeping them from knowing their true self, who they really are, what they believe and think, how they really feel.
These type of people tend to act extremely independent and think they can take care of themselves. They don’t want to have to rely on anyone. They keep themselves from getting attached to anyone.
Emotions and Feelings
Have you ever thought about what feelings and emotions are? Since we are already talking about someone that doesn’t like sharing or dealing with feelings and emotions. I’ll give a quick explanation of what they are.
Feelings and emotions are slightly different.
In simple terms emotions are a physical reaction, an uncontrolled internal reaction to an experience.
Feelings are mental, more of a viewpoint, belief or a perspective. Feelings are sparked by emotions. But Feelings can also set off emotions.
For more details on feelings and emotions check out What’s The Difference Between Feelings And Emotions? from thebestbrainpossible.com.
What an Emotionally Unavailable Person Is Not
Now let’s take a look at some of the things that an emotionally unavailable person is not. Emotionally Open, Emotionally Intimate and Emotional Connected.
These things are pretty much the opposite of emotionally unavailable. These are the things you are wanting in your marriage and are what we should be working toward in our marriages.
Intimacy is when you share something and feel comfortable and safe about it.
Emotionally Open– means you are willing to be vulnerable and don’t hid your emotions. You are communicative about, and expressive with, your emotions. You do not try to pretend you are feeling something you’re not, or vise versa. You reveal your emotions as oppose to hiding or stuffing them down.
Usually, you need the emotional openness before you can have emotional intimacy and emotional intimacy before you can have an emotional connection.
Emotional Intimacy is when two people feel safe and comfortable enough with each-other to experience and share their thoughts, believes, feelings and emotions, whether they are good and bad.
Emotional Connection is when a person has a sort of bond with someone else. They feel like they can share anything with them. They have trust each other and feel secure. They believe the person will always be there for them no matter what the circumstance is.
What To Do Now?
Now that you have a better understanding of what being emotionally unavailable is.
You’ll want to learn the signs that your husband is in fact emotionally unavailable.
As human beings we are not perfect and sometimes we project what we think onto someone.
You may think someone is being emotionally unavailable but in fact they are not. So next order of business is finding out if your husband is truly emotionally unavailable or if it’s just the way you feel about him.
Find out the signs to look out for to determine if your husband really is emotionally unavailable.
Check out my blog post: 15 Heartbreaking Signs Your Husband Is Emotionally Unavailable.
First step to positive change in your marriage is becoming aware of what’s going on in your marriage… the good and the bad.
Answer This Question In The Comments 🙂
What is one of the things your husband does that makes you feel like he is emotionally unavailable?
Hang In There Wifey,